Tuesday 15 September 2015

Sacred Items


Today I discovered that my dad has thrown out two boxes of toys - one of Fischer Price doll house pieces and another full of Barbie dolls.  Despite the fact that I haven't opened either of these boxes in over a year, the thought of them gone forever makes me feel like crying.  Within those little plastic pieces was the essence of childhood and nostalgia.  Those pieces had distinct places in a house, those Barbie dolls had personalities, and attached to every single piece were countless forgotten memories.

Not too long ago I read a lovely little piece on this topic, which can be found HERE.  It's all about the idea of holding onto physical items and never letting go.  We relate them back to memories we had with them, fabulous experiences.  They're tangible reminders that live close to our hearts, and once they're gone we feel a consuming sense of loss.  Even though it's not, the memory seems to be gone.

I remember the personalities of those Barbie dolls.  Rapunzel was always the perfect protagonist, the Bratz doll the mean girl, and the horse riding Barbie would always have to be the boy, because we never had a Ken.  Perhaps if I could hold them in my hands I'd remember the pathetic stories we used to tell with them, but I don't anymore.

I do remember the people though.  I don't know why, but I always relate the people to the thing and the thing to the people.  I remember when we transitioned from innocent 5 year olds to somewhat sordid 8 year olds.  I remember SH laughing at our inappropriate role-plays, and LC and I reenacting scenes that could rival Mean Girls.  My sister and I would spend hours of our never-ending down time moving around our gorgeous dolls, changing their clothes and organising societies, and the symbol of all these hours of simple entertainment is now gone.

I reckon people are part of the reason these items seem so sacred.  Even when these significant characters leave your life, you'll always have the items they left behind, the symbols of your memories.  That way they're never really gone.  I still remember that igloo tent we would hide in, or the kitchen set everyone enjoyed role-playing with.  These items seem like real beings, breathing living beings that don't deserve to live in bins for the rest of their lives.  At least I can say I gave the kitchen set to one of said role-playing friends.  Maybe now when she looks at it she thinks of me.  Maybe those memories have been enough of a reason for her to keep it.

I can safely say I'm a hoarder, so that kitchen set would probably have never met the bin in my hands.  Maybe this hoarding nature is the reason I create physical evidence of memories, such as diaries or this blog.  Maybe this is the reason I refuse to throw out crumbling phone cases or various random monumental artefacts of my past.  Maybe this is the reason I still let the past dictate who I am now, because I have problems with letting go.

This year I took a huge step in getting rid of all those stuffed animals.  First they were collecting dust in my room, then they were stored in a box, and finally, one day, they were just gone.  My sister and I used to throw parties for them.  I used to kiss every single one goodnight so that none of them would feel left out.  I feel like I've repeated Toy Story 3.  I'm a little late, but I'm letting go of the sacred items of my past.

Although I feel like those Fischer Price pieces and Barbie dolls could've been given to a new owner to make memories with, maybe it's a good thing that they're no longer here to clutter the house, to haunt the person I've become and am becoming.  There'll always be new memories and items to treasure, and I can't keep everything or there won't be enough room inside myself to allow new things in, to grow.

Love,
M

24 comments:

  1. I can totally relate to this, M.
    As frivolous as it sounds, somehow, toys and dolls do end up having a special place in our hearts! Yet, we really have to move on at times, instead of getting stuck to one thing.
    Stay awesome as ever,
    Much love,
    Archie <3
    http://eeriefairy.blogspot.com

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    1. I used to always get ashamed of being ashamed of my toys. My sister and I used to both take stuffed toys on holidays and I used to make her hold mine for me in order to not look 'stupid'. I guess I outgrew my special items slower than average, and I can't say it's ever truly left me. What if it never does?

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  2. Every single one of your posts are absolutely amazing. I know that you've enrolled into my Blogger Choice Awards and just wanted to say that you only have 3 more days left to nominate people for categories, all the information about that is on my blog in previous posts, thanks!

    Rukiya XX

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    1. Thank you Rukiya, and thanks for telling me about your lovely awards.

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  3. This post resonated with me. It evoked memories of my childhood. It made me realise that I have a lot of stuff, stuff that I haven't touched in years, but I just can't bring myself to get rid of them, because they hold sentimental value. Just a few weeks ago, my mother suggested that I give away my old DS to someone as it was just collecting dust. I was extremely hesitant. It was so hard for me to let go. But you're right: there will be new memories and items to teasure and we should allow ourselves to grow. Thanks for sharing!

    Xx

    Morgana

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    1. Sentimental. That's the word I was looking for as I was writing this post. I guess I just replaced it with the word sacred - It's a little more religious and monumental in a sense don't you think? I remember my old DS :') Mario Kart was always my favourite, and so were those 'story' games. It's a pity when you've collected so much only to give it all away second hand. I guess our new DS's are our phones and laptops, and they're definitely an upgrade (or maybe not because social media can be pretty evil).

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  4. Wow, I can so relate, crumbling phone cases and all!! I think the practical side of me likes to try and justify keeping everything by saying "oh yah, but I KNOW I'll need it again some day!" :) I'll just keep telling myself that one.... :p

    Chloe | It's A Chloe Thing

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    1. Hahaha. True. I am totally going to need that flaking plaster fossil I won at some science week thing back when I was 10. We can keep fooling ourselves.

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  5. I COMPLETELY understand this!!!!! I want to keep everything- even the crumbling phone cases. After all, who knows when you might NEED it? ;) Toys have so many memories though, they're especially hard to let go of. It's good to declutter but gosh, it's so hard...

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    1. Exactly! Whenever I clean my room I end up sitting on the floor reading through old diaries and holding stuff I could never get rid of. The point of cleaning my room was to get rid of it all, but it never ever happens.

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  6. My family was planning on selling a bunch of my stuffed animals and when we took them from out of the storage, I saw so many of my stuffed animals-- even one's I haven't seen in years. And it was hard for me to be torn away from them because, of course, of the memories. It makes me sad to think about it...

    xoxo Morning

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    1. Even though we haven't seen that duck we used to cuddle when we were a wee one year old, or the bunny we used to dress in all sorts of toy clothes (more expensive than our own) - It's these memories that make us want to keep them even though we never use them anymore. Maybe it's sentimental muscle memory? somewhere deep in our subconscious we will never be able to let go.

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  7. I love this post. It hit me right in the feelings.

    I used to be obsessed with Strawberry Shortcake, and I had countless dolls, books, a complete bedset, stickers, and so many other items with pictures of that red headed cartoon character. Now, all I have left is a small box with a few dolls. I will never get rid of them. Like you, I'm a certified packrat. I love my items from the past. And you know what? That's okay.

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    1. I remember Strawberry Shortcake! It's funny how some of the less significant childhood stuff can lay forgotten until one day it's brought up again. I think it most definitely is okay to love items from the past, because it's just another thing to love. I guess that as long as they're there they can still make you happy, and that's a good thing.

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  8. I always got more comfort from things than from people. They don't ask questions or talk back, they just let you pour your heart out.

    / Avy
    http://MyMotherFuckedMickJagger.blogspot.com




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    1. I love that. I think I'm starting to find that talking to people is more cumbersome than the sense of belonging I used to think was worth it. With things there's no effort. But then, with some people there's no effort needed either.

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  9. Great post! It's really true what you say. I also get really attached to those things, they bring a lot of good old memories back! :)

    http://isafashionebella.blogspot.com x

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    1. Good old memories are healthy! I'm sad that those toys are gone for good now, but it turns out my dad never actually threw them away, so instead we gave them to a thrift shop and someone will make their own memories with them.

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  10. Aww i can totally relate to this, i have my own toys too thats been kept away, i don't really feel the need of throwing them because they were once part of my childhood, and my childhood is something i can't let go.

    sarahrizaga.blogspot.com

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    1. I guess the clutter is the problem, and that sometimes I get so caught up in the past that it almost ruins my future. That feeling of nostalgia makes me a second rate human being in the present. Dwelling on all my old mistakes makes me almost repeat them because I think that's who I am and that's my worth. Sometimes you need to let go of some things for the sake of your health.

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  11. I feel you. I collect paper and words, diaries from 2009 [with terrible memories] and result cards from parent teachers meetings are still with me and I'm not letting go of them for god knows how long.

    xo,
    www.notyourtypeblog.com

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    1. Diaries should never be let go. We wrote them for a reason, and even if letting go would be better, wouldn't that be a waste of the time and effort we spent with that notebook?

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  12. wow I feel you on this. In a massive spring clean we got rid of most of our childhood toys but there were some that absolutely could not go, for example my cuddly snowman from 1999 which I still sleep with. It's really hard to let go. Your post reminded me of the story of the Velveteen Rabbit

    Aida
    x

    This Kid Is Alright

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    1. My favourite toy from 2005 still lives in my room. I can't imagine ever letting her go.

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